The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
even my farts smell like vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
