My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
