I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
