it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
