he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
