Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
