She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
