your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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