you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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