he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
