i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
