3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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