I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
