Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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