Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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