STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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