They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
