so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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