She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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