atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
