haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
