it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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