i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
