Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
