What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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