Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
