Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
