I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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