i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
