Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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