Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
