So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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