Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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