I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
