if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
