she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
