i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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