Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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