i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
