and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
