i would punch a child for taco bell
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"