Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
