His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it