shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now