He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.