You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking