And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
