Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.