I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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