the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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