Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
