Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
