Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
wow bdsm is so cute
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
