Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
