this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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