This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
