hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
