Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
