Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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