I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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