just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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