Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize