remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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