OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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