just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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