Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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