help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Less talking, more tequila
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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