My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
