i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
