i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
