He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
