I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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