then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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