..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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