its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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